I don't know why, but every time Ivan leaves Vancouver, I IMMEDIATELY become bored. Even before he leaves on the plane, I'll find myself really restless. I don't know what to do with myself, and I wish that all the things that need to be done while he's away would just get done, such as the housework. I hate doing housework when he's away, but it's the only thing other than applying for jobs that I think would suffice as jobs for my spare time. It is truly a pain in the ass. But I don't want to complain, I just want to get things done. I think the real problem lies in the fact that after 2 days, when he returns, I know it's going to go back to the state it was in. I don't know why my inertia is so high when he's around, and why I'm okay with mess and grime when he's here. It's horrid! I'm not okay with it, really, but it just happens to be there and I just happen to live with it. Which is basically being okay with it, I suppose.

I will clean the house when he is away. And I hope he'll help me keep it clean when he returns. In the meantime, since there are only so many things I can do, I shall try to go out and keep my mind as sane as possible. I NEED TO GET PAID, COME NOW, THURSDAY.

Also, the place I work for keeps calling me to tell me there's no work. This is very troubling because they did promise a certain number of hours of work and now it's not happening. I don't know whether or not to kick up a fuss.

Crisis in Retrospect

I'm currently experiencing a high level of anxiety related to the fact that I just, without thinking too much about it, sent my resignation in to my employer. I don't know what she's going to think when she sees it or what she's going to say to me on tuesday, but there's been so much pressure on me to do it that wasn't going to go away without me actually going through with it. So as much as people say I had a choice, I didn't either. I can't live with this kind of anxiety and pressure on me, so it's better for me to choose the temporary anxiety of having to face her with this bomb of a problem than for me to go through the next 3 months with my family on my back. I agree with everything they said, it's just really hard for me to throw curveballs at people I feel obligated to, particularly when I can see the reasons why I would be making their lives difficult and the possible consequences. Still, it had to be done.

Anyway, so I realised I went on a shopping spree today to make myself feel better. I got 2 lipsticks from Mac and some hand creams from Crabtree and Evelyn - and a hand scrub for Ivan for our anniversary present. They threw in $28 worth of free stuff for our purchase, so I don't feel so bad. And I didn't buy anything useless, so I don't think I have anything to feel bad about.

At present, we've got 36 gigantic cookies sitting in our house from my cityflavr deal. 36 cookies. I think I'm going to have to freeze some of them or they'll just go stale. I'm cutting down on my sugars and upping my calcium intake, so it's unlikely that I'll be eating too many of those cookies, although there is calcium in milk chocolate. Anyway, it's a good addition to yoghurt, which is healthy, so I guess I can just take the good with the bad right? And dinner's on the stove, and I've got work waiting in my computer for me.

Ugh, need to make my hands stop shaking and my stomach stop churning.