First nosebleed of my life.

It's not even spontaneous. I was cleaning my nose (I felt like it was dirty) and accidentally scratched it really hard so now it's bleeding. It feels really awful. I feel like I need to scratch the other nostril in the same place now, but what's really driving me nuts is just how shocked I was to see clean, openly flowing blood coming from my nose. It feels raw. I feel like I have a tic and an itch and I NEED to scratch the other side but I really don't want to bleed from the other nostril. This is such a dilemma.

In other news, my midterm is tomorrow, for which my professor decided he would like to test us on 3/4 of the course material. Crazy nut. Plus it's a math intensive course with lots of formulas and we don't get a cheat sheet. That's terrible. I have been studying, but I feel like my brain might bust if I continue to look at the material. I have to do it though, I still have lots to go so I will pull myself together in a little bit. In the meantime, I gotta do something about my nose. IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS. There's the same sensation in my body as if someone were tickling me which I know will only go away when I stop FEELING WHERE MY NOSE WAS BLEEDING. And now I keep worrying that it's going to bleed some more. WHAT DO I DO

Wow slicing my fingers up really hurts.

So, I've got a pretty serious slash in my right index finger. And the finger condom thing didn't work to keep it dry while I was showering, which frankly, was really hard to do as well. The bummer thing is that it's such a small injury (meaning it's not quite on the same scale as breaking your hand) but it prevents me from writing, from showering properly, from sleeping (woke me up several times) and from cooking. Gaaaaahhhhhhh hate being injured.

Feeling rather proud of myself.

I actually churned through a bunch of Matlab code while at school today, and got it to work too. I'm a little stuck on the Engineering Application problem, but if I really can't figure it out by Wednesday I'll just hit up the TA's office hours and it'll all be good. But I am really feeling significantly proud of the fact that I am getting up when my alarm goes off and going to school. A lot of it really has to do with IW and how wonderful he is about sending me to the bus stop on school mornings and work mornings. And I know he would rather be at work earlier, so I really appreciate all the time he takes with me. I should really just tell him this to his face, but sometimes I don't know if he gets how sincere I'm being because he'll just change the topic to something else completely unrelated and it'll be as though he just glazed over what I said. So sometimes I feel like saying nothing at all is an easier way to be sincere.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little more confident about MATLAB this year, although I have to say that I really am not feeling the same way about Process Control. I've been really mulling over the "what if" I fail that class again. For the last time. I will be really pissed off, but I think that no matter what, I couldn't just drop out. It'd be one more class, I'd have the opportunity to focus on that one class and one class only, and I'd just work like hell the rest of the time to make up my rent money and all that. So that mum wouldn't have to worry about a thing. I feel so guilty when I think about how stretched out my education has been and what it's doing to her retirement fund. If I really do fail this class again, I'm going to just cut myself off from my family completely till its done. Sometimes, I need to be away from them, not because they're not encouraging, but because I need to be alone. I feel like they're always breathing down my neck, even when they're not. I feel the burden on my shoulders that is the expectation of me to graduate, and it makes me want to balk, even before the game has started. It's a pain in the ass.

Yeah, I really need more chocolate in this household. And milk. Apparently (and mum will kill me for this), I've got osteopenia. Gaaahhh!!