Revelation

Here are some things about me I never knew:

1. I like money. But not directly. Because I like buying things, and that requires money, I indirectly like money.

2. I have my ways of getting it, which may or may not be conscious.

3. I have something in me that makes people want to spend money on me, although for the moment is limited to mostly family members that love me very much. Something about me makes people willing to part with their money.

4. If I work on it conscientiously, learn how to read people, toughen up and work hard, I can get people to give me their money.

5. I can make it as a realtor, given my honest nature, effervescent personality and good ethics.

I might have a future after all!

A couple of these things were a little shocking for me, but I guess looking at the big picture's the important thing. It's hard to reconcile how I feel about myself these days.. I'm probably at an all time low as far as self confidence goes. I'm almost unsure of my ability to have ANY kind of real job.. and this is including office administration jobs. I just don't believe I can do any of these things well. I have fears these days of being robbed on streets, pickpocketed, and of getting fired from any job I apply to.

Why am I surrounded by fear?

To top all things off, (and this is the first time I'm admitting it) I think I'm drifting a little further from God everyday. I'm forgetting what it means to be a child of God, and what His promises are. It's not that I'm starting to lose my belief that God exists. That will probably be the one thing in my life I will ALWAYS believe (the evidence is just too great), but I certainly don't know what it means anymore.

There are just too many things I need to do.. and the problem is that I think too much about doing things, and don't spend enough time DOING them. PITA.