You're gonna need a new TV.

Alex: Do you like futureshop? Or Bestbuy?

DAMN IT! GO CELTICS!!!!

Familial Obligations

If there is one thing that I understand least about Ivan, it's probably his lack of concern regarding opinions of his family members. About a lot of things and most certainly regarding his relationships. He hides a lot from them, perhaps not in a rude or defiant way, but he feels that his life is his own and therefore any decisions he makes regarding any aspects of his life are his own to make. Which is not untrue, this holds a lot of weight, but as someone who came from a family where familial opinions are important, where any decision I make is not really my own to make and my seniors are upset if I don't heed their advice (given out of love), it's hard for me to understand how he can so easily say that it is his own problem. Really, are the decisions we make "our own problem"? They do affect those around us, especially when our loved ones have to watch us make mistakes. But I suppose that for the simple things such as music choices, it's really out of love that our parents and elders should allow us to make our mistakes. I don't really know how to reconcile this. If his parents were to oppose our getting married, I wouldn't do it, even though Ivan says that it's his choice, I'm his life and this is the way he wants to have it. He says it's our problem and not that of his parents or family members. But I don't think that I could join a family where I'm not wanted, and I'd have to concede that his family must see something that they deem unsuitable. It would be unfair and unwise to ignore what they say for the sake of "love". It's not love to ignore good advice. But, I am grateful for his sincerity and his commitment, it makes my days fresh and my love renewed. This is, after all, a day and age where the cheating spouse is a rampant issue. I am glad to have Ivan.

I don't know why, but every time Ivan leaves Vancouver, I IMMEDIATELY become bored. Even before he leaves on the plane, I'll find myself really restless. I don't know what to do with myself, and I wish that all the things that need to be done while he's away would just get done, such as the housework. I hate doing housework when he's away, but it's the only thing other than applying for jobs that I think would suffice as jobs for my spare time. It is truly a pain in the ass. But I don't want to complain, I just want to get things done. I think the real problem lies in the fact that after 2 days, when he returns, I know it's going to go back to the state it was in. I don't know why my inertia is so high when he's around, and why I'm okay with mess and grime when he's here. It's horrid! I'm not okay with it, really, but it just happens to be there and I just happen to live with it. Which is basically being okay with it, I suppose.

I will clean the house when he is away. And I hope he'll help me keep it clean when he returns. In the meantime, since there are only so many things I can do, I shall try to go out and keep my mind as sane as possible. I NEED TO GET PAID, COME NOW, THURSDAY.

Also, the place I work for keeps calling me to tell me there's no work. This is very troubling because they did promise a certain number of hours of work and now it's not happening. I don't know whether or not to kick up a fuss.